


Gandalf's Compendium

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-05
Packaged: 2018-03-16 13:04:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3489275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written in response to a night of giggling conversation with a friend of mine. Should be funnyish :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_**Dearest Mithrandir,** _

_**My wife has an important birthday swiftly approaching. I wish to give her a detailed summary of the races remaining in Middle Earth in this, the Third Age.** _

_**I feel, due to your excessive travelling, that you may have expertise unlike my own in this matter.** _

_**Please be sure to include detailed descriptions of the key parts of each society.** _

_**My Sincerest Gratitudes,** _

_**Celeborn** _

 

 

 

 

 

Gandalf sighed, deeply.  "There is no time like the present, I suppose." 

He took out a sheaf of blank pages, a silver tipped quill and a pot of ink.

He filled his pipe and tapped it. "The elves, would be an apt first chapter" he mumbled, with the pipe between his lips.


	2. Elves

**Elvenkind**

 

**_Physical Characteristics:_ **

_Height:_ Ranging from around five and a half feet to close to seven feet (as in the case of Thranduil Oropherion)

 _Body Type:_ Slim to Muscular

 _Hair Colour:_ Shades vary, Black, Brown, Honey Blonde are the most common. More unusual are Red (usually wood elves) and Silver-White (often seen in the Royal bloodlines)

 _Eye Colour:_ Normally Grey, very few blue

 _Other Characteristics:_ Ears pointed as a leaf. Pale coloured skin. 

 

**_Mental Capabilities:_ **

Endless.

Seeking ever greater knowledge and having boundless curiosity.

Some are apt in wizardry.

Many have shown proficiency in natural healing technique.

Wood elves occasionally possess the mental ability to converse with trees. 

Most possess the ability to speak through mind alone to some extent.

 

_**Sexual Practices:** _

Relatively limited. Elves bond with a single partner for life, and being immortal, they do not stray. During the first year of their bonding, sexual appetites are relentless. Once a child is conceived they refrain desire sexual relations for some years after the birth. There have been reports of sexual relations, prior to bonding, suggesting that younger elves have some sexual desire for experimentation, but this has not been confirmed. Sxual attraction is commonplace between male and female elves of the same and differing genders. Long courtships, followed by a starlit ceremony to declare joining precedes bonding.


	3. Humans

**Mankind**

 

_**Physical Characteristics:** _

_Height:_ Average height of around five and a half feet, extending to around six feet and two inches.

 _Body Type:_ A great deal of variety - frankly obese to skeletal

 _Hair Colour:_ Naturally, most are dark brown. Some fair and pale blonde, some black and red. They have methods of unnaturally colouring.

 _Eye Colour:_ Mostly blue or brown. Uncommonly green or hazel.

 _Other Characteristics:_ Some have created drawings within their skin, named "tattoos". Others enjoy the dwarven practices of piercing the skin with metal. They often pain their nails with colour and daub paint upon their faces, to create a more attractive look.

 

_**Mental Capabilities:** _

Relatively small.

Plain and easily led into greed or wickedness.

Very few are proficient in wizardry, due to their short life span.

Some have good tactical minds and make good warriors.

_**Sexual Practices:** _

Further expanded than that of the elves. Most settle with a single partner, but infidelity is rife. Sexual appetite begins around the peak of puberty and continues into elder years. Breeding is possible only while a woman is fertile. After conception it is rare to find a diminished sexual capacity. Multiple partners of differing genders are not unheard of, but such things are not discussed in polite company. Marriage involves promising to spend the remainder of their years with one another, but as previously mentioned, infidelity is common.


	4. Dwarves

** Dwarvenkind **

 

_**Physical Characteristics:** _

_Height:_ Averaging at four and a half feet, the tallest recorded was five and a half feet.

 _Body Type:_ Stocky. Some are fat, most are heavily muscled.

 _Hair Colour:_ Mostly black or dark brown. Some red. Very rarely blonde.

 _Eye Colour:_ Brown is prevalent, some blue.

 _Other Characteristics:_ Incredibly hairy. Males and females possess magnificent beards. Often they will show wealth through beads or gemstones, worn on their hair, beards or piercings. Have developed equipment to allow for diminished hearing and prosthetics to adapt with loss of limb. 

 

_**Mental Capabilities:** _

Quick of mind and wit.

Fiercely loyal.

Easily led into greed.

Very good at tactics and architecture.

_**Sexual Practices:** _

Practical polyamory is the norm. Multiple marriages, interweaving communities. Males and females often engage in multiple partner pairings, to increase the chances of conception. Sexual appetite is, as described, "like a slow burning ember, needing only a breath to reignite the furnace." Strangely they do not discuss same sex pairings, but it seems likely. Partners are attracted to skill and hair, rather than other physical characteristics or wealth. Loyalty to their "one" is fierce. Belief that emotional connection is more important than a sexual one permits more pairings.


	5. Hobbits

**Halflings**

 

_**Physical Characteristics:** _

_Height:_ Three and a half to four feet.

 _Body Type:_ Soft, well padded with a thin layer of fat, but not obese.

 _Hair Colour:_ Light brown is common, red is second followed by honey blonde. Curly.

 _Eye Colour:_ Brown or hazel.

 _Other Characteristics:_ Large, hairy feet, measuring from the crook of their elbow to the tip of their middle finger. Soft skin. Ruddly complexion. 

 

_**Mental Capabilities:** _

Quick learners.

Gentle with animals, showing a hint of communication, although it is unconfirmed.

Enjoy the simple things and live busy little lives.

Loyal to a fault and wish the world to be an entirely fair place.

No desire for malice or jealousy.

Hospitable to a fault.

_**Sexual Practices:** _

Most interesting of the races remaining. The preparation of food and feeding play a keen role in courtships. Sexual gatherings of all members of a community of breeding age occur frequently. Breeding is encouraged. Marriages are loyal and loving, although sexual relations outside a pairing are seen as normal, breeding is kept between a pair. Both genders of hobbits are capable of mothering or fathering offspring. Females may carry between one and three offspring, males carry only one. Full term is reached at six months. Sexual attraction grows during pregnancy, and afterwards there is no diminishment. Consummation is often begun a day or so after the birth. Communal care and breastfeeding is the norm, explaining their obsession with eating. Male and female hobbits feed and rear the children. Puberty is peaked around twenty five and courtship occurs quickly afterwards. Families are large and loving, though incest is absent entirely. Innocence prevails and laughter is common. They see nothing wrong with sexual "sharing", as they put it, and their communal spirit continues as sexual events are hosted for friends if they desire children. It seems their boundless fertility increases at the full moon and orgasms are only shared with their partners at this time. Same sex pairings are rare, but accepted and children refer to everyone apart from their parents in some family term. When separated from a partner, friends will often assist in the sexual release. Masturbation is seen as bizarre as group pleasure is the norm. Eating ripe fruit slowly is seen as the equivalent of a human stripteasing, or an elf disrobing. 


	6. Chapter 6

_**Lady Galadriel & Lord Celeborn** _

_**I have complied and completed my observations.** _

_**I hope they are amusing and of some use to you.** _

_**I wish you joy on the anniversary of your four thousandth year, My Lady.** _

_**Yours, faithfully** _

_**Gandalf** _

 

 

 

 

 

Gandalf sat, eyes twinkling in merriment. "If this isn't copied and shared within a month, i would be a fools uncle" he chuckled to himself, leaning back in his chair.


End file.
